“He wants sex.  She wants romance.”  So says John Gray, PhD in ‘Mars and Venus in the Bedroom’.  Sometimes it seems as if our partners are from different planets.  In the bedroom, it is obvious that men and women are different, but we may not realize just how different.  It is only through understanding and accepting our obvious and less obvious differences that we can achieve true intimacy and great sex.¹

It’s no secret that boys and girls are different and it’s not only our outside appearance.  Our brains are hugely different as well.  Although the skulls of men and women are similar in size, the brain of a female is smaller, but much more active than that of a male.  Consider the White Matter of a woman’s brain, ‘Communication Central’, is a whopping eleven times greater.  Likewise, the Cingulate Cyrus, the worry center, is much larger in women than men, and the Amygdala, the area of anxiety and fear, is much more active.

Were we able to hook our brains up to an MRI Scan and/or follow us around all day, we could detect a world of difference between the two genders, and no greater would be that difference than in sexual arousal.  Since an article on the entire issue of female sexuality would rival the Encyclopedia Britannica, we will focus on only this one issue.

Male arousal.

Initiation of the sexual response in a male is less complex, faster and more spontaneous than that of a woman’s.  Literally, he is controlled by the reptilian brain (no joke).²  His sexual interest can be easily aroused by such a simple encounter as a seductive glance, or an incidental brush by.

Her Amygdala.

Unlike the male brain which arouses more easily, the key to female sexuality ‘turn-on’ begins ironically with a brain ‘turn-off’.  The impulses which rush to the pleasure centers can trigger an orgasm only if the Amygdala and the Cingulate Gyrus, the fear and anxiety center of the brain, have been deactivated.  It’s no wonder ‘foreplay’ activities such as a foot rub , conversation, or a glass of wine prior to the bedroom are a good idea for any man considering getting his partner into the mood for romance.

Also consider: No phones, no emails and no worries about work, the kids or schedules.

Men are like microwaves – women are like slow cookers.

Likewise, a woman’s complex White Matter, communication central, needs to be put into the mood for her to enjoy a satisfying sexual experience.  Multitasking, an innate strength of women, under control of this ‘always active’ white matter, can many times get in the way.  Overwork, stress at home, worry and tension can interfere with her ability to relax, feel safe and allow for a close relationship to happen.  Anger, for instance, can often times be a turn-on for a man, initiating his reptilian brain into a passionate frenzy, while a woman can’t be angry at her partner and want to have sex with him at the same time.

Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

     The fuel for love.

At The Renewal Point, we commonly hear as a complaint, “My sexual desire has fallen.”  It’s a fact that libido commonly wanes in females as they age and especially after menopause.  Fortunately, this is usually just a hormonal issue and can be easily helped.  Let’s explore how.

The sexual desire trigger for both genders is testosterone.  Testosterone is the chemical fuel that gets the brain’s sexual engine going and testosterone deficiency is common in women past menopause.  Until this deficiency is rebalanced, it is difficult for her to initiate sexual arousal.  When there is enough testosterone bathing the brain, the hypothalamus revs up igniting erotic feelings, arousing sexual fantasies and that physical sensation in the erogenous zone.

At The Renewal Point, we are experts on rebalancing this very powerful sex chemical with bio-identical hormones.  For more information on this topic, we encourage to listen to this 15 minutes podcast with Dr. Watts.


1.)  Mars and Venus in the Bedroom.  John Gray, Ph.D.

2.)  The Female Brain.  Louann Brizendine, M.D.